How I Found the Irish in my Heart
And the cairde - friends - who put It There
In September, Molly Nic Céile published her first book, Gaeilge i Mo Chroí - Irish In My Heart: Your Guide to Loving and Living the Irish Language. The book, which got it’s name from Molly’s popular YouTube channel and Instagram account takes readers on a journey through learning how to love the Irish languages despite it’s linguistically difficult aspects and the cultural baggage it carries for many.
From the moment Molly told me that she would be writing a book, I knew I had to be there the day it was released. And I was. I was there in Belfast holding one of the first copies of her book as I cried because inscribed on one of the early pages was a dedication.
A dedication to me.
That trip to Ireland and my experience reading Gaeilge i Mo Chroí made me reflect on the Gaeilge i mo chroí féin - the Irish in my own heart - and the people in my life who put it there.
Growing up, I often spent time visiting my two aunts, sisters, Mary and Peggy. They lived together most of their lives and their house was filled with reminders of our family’s past. Nearly every flat surface was the home to some trinket or tchotchke from a different time in their lives. Sometimes, it was a gift they had gotten from a friend, something they’d taken from an old job, a souvenir from their many travels, and frequently, something from Ireland. They were the keepers of our family history. It was often while Aunt Peggy made their afternoon tea that Aunt Mary would put down her book and start recalling stories about “Mommy”, my Irish grandmother who passed away before I was born.
When Aunt Mary told stories about our ancestors from Ireland, it never felt like she was still in the room with me. Rather, she and Aunt Peggy had traveled back to their childhood home, having tea with Aunt Alice or waiting for their father to get out of his favorite chair so they could check the cushions to see what loose change may have slipped from his pockets. With each word spoken, I was invited to gaze into their memories.
I grew up hearing stories of people and places long past as though they had just happened last week. All of our family’s history was alive within them. It was through them that I developed my mental picture of what Ireland would be like.
And when I finally made it over for the first time, years after they had both passed away, I didn’t feel any culture shock or confusion. It felt familiar. It felt like I was shaking the dust off of the memories that had been shared with me thousands of miles away and many years earlier.
I had the rare opportunity to visit the home my grandmother grew up in in County Cavan, Ireland. The first thing that was said when I walked through the door “Oh, the Yankees are home!” The word Yankee, while it may be used to disparage some, felt to me more like a simple acknowledgement of the scars of immigration. For many of us on both sides, we didn’t know names and faces, but we knew someone out there living in a different country shared our blood.
Home. To this day, my heart swells whenever I hear my Irish relatives refer to me being in Ireland as me ‘coming home.’ While it may be a simple figure of speech without much thought behind it to them, it acknowledges the connection that still exists between myself and this country that I have only ever entered as a visitor.
But it does feel like home.
On both sides, members of my family were very concerned with losing contact and made every effort to ensure we wouldn’t. Thanks to Mary, Peggy, Alice, Ronan and countless others, we haven’t. Thanks to their efforts, when I visit Ireland I do feel like I am going home.
Those connections all opened my heart to Ireland. To the culture, the landscape, the people and even the language.
When I was in high school, a new girl joined our school. Her name was Ciara. Not pronounced Sierra as American’s would assume, but instead as Kira. For better or worse, her daily life was an introductory lesson to the Irish language for everyone around her.
It wasn’t long before Ciara and I became close friends. Our bond began over embarrassing 2000s pop-culture references, but soon it became much deeper than that. Ciara has this unique ability instantly connect with those around her. Not just in a friendly, surface level kind of way. But she can really hear and see people for who they are, something very few people, let alone teenagers are capable of. To be understood in that way was something I desperately needed during those early years of adolescence.
As our friendship grew in depth, we also shared our mutual sense of connection to Ireland. For both of us, it wasn’t just an interest. It was something we could feel. Together, we began to explore the language. Through Google Translate written notes passed between high school classes, Ciara made the Irish language a part of my life for the first time.
Years later, I began to expand on the few words and phrases that Ciara and I had discovered together and properly learn the language. Caoimhe Nic Giollarnáith has been my teacher from day one. Without her, the story would have ended here and I never would have experienced all of the incredible things that happened in my life because of the language. Thanks to Caoimhe’s encouragement, I broke out of my comfort zone and began to look for opportunities to practice my growing Irish skills. On YouTube I saw an Irish language creator mention they would be starting a Patreon group where members would have the opportunity to join conversation calls. Perfect!
I signed up, nervously logged into Zoom and unknowingly changed the rest of my life. The host of the group was Molly Nic Céile of the YouTube channel Gaeilge i Mo Chroí. The calls helped me practice using my cúpla focal as well as connect with other learners. It was a safe and welcoming environment that was exactly what I needed to grow my skills and confidence.
Over time, Molly and I began to talk more often, sending jokes or messages to each other between the group calls. One day she messaged me and let me know she would be visiting New York for a week if I would like to meet up.
I was excited, but also terrified. At that point I had hardly spoken Irish in person to anyone… paired with my social anxiety around meeting new people in general… I was nervous to say the least. However, the awkwardness and anxiety quickly faded away and we spent hours talking. I don’t think either of us could have known back then how important we would become to one another.
In the years that followed, we both found ourselves in difficult chapters of our lives, but we also found support in each other. I was thrilled to read Gaeilge i Mo Chroí because I realized that the encouragement and kindness Molly had shown me is now available for anyone in the world to experience. As she teaches through her book, she helped me bí bródúil - be proud - of my Irish and helped me overcome the náire - shame - and imní - anxiety - that many of us feel when trying to speak a new language. But she also taught me that those lessons extend beyond the language. Through support and understanding, she helped me find my confidence, get through the hard times, and learn how to grow from life’s most painful lessons. All the while making sure all my séimhiús and urús were in the right places.
All of these people in my life put Gaeilge i mo chroí - Irish in my heart. I never would have begun this journey without the support and stories shared by my family in America and back ‘home’ in Ireland. It’s scary to learn a language. You have to be vulnerable, make mistakes, be resilient against imposter syndrome and insecurity. Ciara and Molly both taught me that I could be accepted and loved exactly as I am, imperfections and all. Caoimhe taught me that with hard work and dedication anything is possible. When I speak Irish, I feel all of the grá - love - that I have been shown. When I speak Irish, I feel it i mo chroí - in my heart.
Who has helped put Gaeilge i do chroí - put Irish in your heart? I’d love to hear your stories in the comments!
More from Foghlaimeoir:
Irish language version of this article.
Does fluency matter?
Go raibh maith agat!
My grandmother always told us that there are only two kinds of people in the world: the Irish, and those who wish they were.
I finally went “home” in 1998 after having been involved with Project Children here in Ohio. I had become good friends with the coordinators in Belfast and had looked up my grandmothers family who had descendants still alive.
I agree with you. I love to get texts or phone calls. “When are you coming home next?”
A friend there once explained that Ireland will always be home because the Irish were forced to leave. They did not want to go. My cousin said that Irish has been spoken “since the beginning of time”so every Irish person should have Irish.
So you have inspired this 70 year old lady to learn Irish!!!
Scéal Iontach Briana. Unfortunately for me I grew up not knowing much about my Irish ancestry. It’s only in recent years that thosaím ag iarraidh to make a connection. There were a few stories though. One in particular was that when my father was born, the Irish side sneaked him out of the house to get him baptized Roman Catholic before the “heathen,” Lutherans could do anything about it.