Why I Don’t Apologize for Being 'Bad' at Speaking Languages
And why you shouldn't either.
Often when someone is speaking their second language it’s common to hear them make comments like “Sorry, my English isn’t very good.” “I speak broken Chinese.” “I speak bad French.”
However, despite learning several languages to various levels, it’s never been a sentiment that resonated with me personally. My intention is to not sound like I think I’m better than anyone or imply a misplaced level of confidence in my fluency or skills in a language.
For me, there is a big difference between self awareness and self criticism. Apologizing for our skills in a language being “bad” is to say that there is some standard that we are supposed to be meeting. But why? Where do these standards come from?
Speaking any language that wasn’t part of one’s childhood is accomplishment. Even if it is limited in vocabulary or eloquence. I am a deeply insecure and frequently self deprecating person, yet I’ve never felt like I was “bad” at speaking any language or that I spoke a “broken” form of it.
I am often very quick to criticize myself and hold myself to impossible standards, so why do I feel so differently about languages?
I think it’s because when I first started learning Irish, I knew I was giving it every single bit of energy and time I had to offer. Even at the start, I wasn’t bad, I just didn’t have enough time and experience to be good. I carried that with me and still feel it to this day.
Is my Irish perfect? No. But I would say I'm fluent. Because to me, fluency isn't perfection. It's fluidity. It's being able to use the language naturally without stopping to think.
In the same way that we don't think babies are bad at speaking their native language, we’re also not bad. We know that they just need more time to learn. We just need time. Time to grow and to learn.
I started learning Polish almost two years ago. I know for a fact my Irish was better after the same amount of time passed. Does that mean Polish is harder? Or have I gotten worse at learning languages?
No, of course not.
Even though the same amount of time has passed on a calendar, the way I spent my first year and a half in both languages was very different. A few months into learning Irish, the COVID-19 pandemic sent the world into lockdown. I was working in the theatre industry at the time, so my job went from 40+ hours a week to a few hours a week if I was lucky. I lived alone and certainly wasn’t socializing. I didn’t have much to do other than study Irish. And on top of that, I was so skeptical of my ability to learn a language that I felt like the only way I could achieve it was if I kept outrunning my doubt. If I kept pushing myself and proving to myself that I was improving, I wouldn’t feel like it was pointless and give up.
Cut to when I started learning Polish. The world was fully back and running. I had a full-time job, a social life, trips, plans, and I wasn’t just learning Polish. I still wanted to improve my Irish skills. In addition to that, I experienced a traumatic life event, left my job of eleven years and started a new life… So, I wasn’t exactly able to spend the same amount of time on Polish as I was Irish in the first year and a half.
But that’s totally okay! Because the one thing I have going for me with Polish that I didn’t have with Irish: I know I can learn a language. I’ve spent less time learning Polish because I put less pressure on myself to learn. I let myself enjoy staring out the window on long car rides instead of staring at flash cards. I don’t worry if I end up spending time with friends instead of studying. I let myself do the amount I have the mental energy for. I know it will happen more slowly this time around. But I truly believe, hour per hour spent learning the language, my techniques and awareness of how to learn are better. I’m just spending less time putting those skills to use.
So does that mean I speak ‘bad Polish’ because I can’t hold even the most basic conversation without feeling totally lost? Does it mean I’ll never be able to learn Polish and I’ll be stuck as a beginner forever?
No!
It just means that learning a language takes time. Time I haven’t spent yet.
Time I spent how I needed to: laughing, growing, crying, loving, living and occasionally studying.
Have you ever felt bad at a language? You shouldn’t! Your worth is not defined by your skills. ❤️
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More from Foghlaimeoir:
Irish language version of this article.
Irish Language Resource Tier List
Nicely done! I'd like to someday go and visit a Gaeltacht in Western Ireland.
One need not have the vocabulary of a poet to feel worthy to speak the language. Most things said are terribly mundane. If you can do as well as James Joyce in inquiry about the lavatory, you are also a poet.