How Becoming Bilingual Changed My View on Mental Health
For most of my life, I only could speak English fluently. I knew a few words and phrases in other languages either taught to me by friends who thought it would be funny to hear me curse in Cantonese, or picked up from lessons in school where I never found myself able to form coherent sentences.
I thought it was fascinating that people could hear other languages and understand them. Even more so, that people could think in them.
I remember asking bilingual friends in college what language they thought in. For some, one language or the other was the answer, but most said it was a mix. At the time, I couldn’t really understand what they meant by that and I certainly wouldn’t have believed I ever would have known firsthand.
At one point in my learning, I made a conscious effort to think in Irish as much as possible. If you’re learning a language and only have a cúpla focal - a few words - I encourage you to try it! Instead of ‘I have to go to the shop and buy bread’ try to tell yourself ‘I have to go to the siopa and buy arán.’
That’s how I began to form my bilingual brain. I was so desperate to use the language, I tried to create any opportunities I could find for myself to do so. Even in my own mind.
At this point, I would also say that I think in a mix of languages. Mostly English and Irish of course, but every now and then a Polish word slips through the cracks. I’ve noticed the it’s usually my brain choosing the path of least resistance. If I know a word or phrase very well, my brain usually picks whichever one is shorter, or more relevant to what I’m thinking about. For example, if I’m thinking of an experience I typically have in one language, that is likely the word my brain will pick. Additionally, if I’ve been engaged in one language, I am more likely to keep thinking in that language afterwards. I do spend a lot of my life deeply engaged with Irish, and as a result, I often find myself thinking in Irish… even in America.
There have been times when I’ve reflected on this change. I literally think in a different way than I did five years ago. I don’t just have different opinions or outlooks on the world, my brain is now able to think in a totally different language than before.
There are a lot of studies on bilingualism. I’ve heard that the way we solve problems and process emotions can be different in different languages, and those topics can certainly be posts for another day.
But what really strikes me about this shift in my thinking is that it means I have more control over my mind than I once thought. I have generalized anxiety disorder. Much like how I couldn’t imagine thinking in another language before I learned Irish, I once couldn’t imagine my life with less anxiety.
Thinking in a new language has opened me up to the possibility that I can someday think in other new ways as well.
The one thing I learned from my experience taking years of language lessons in school with no results: lessons themselves are useless unless we have two things. One, the belief that we can learn. Two, the willingness to keep putting in work day after day. It will be hard, it will take a long time, but it will be worth it.
For years I didn’t think I could learn a language, so I didn’t try. And for years I thought I was hopeless to manage my anxiety, so I let it control me.
Of course, it is worth acknowledging that at times mental illness can become debilitating and we find ourselves unable to put in work. And there are many instances when putting in work on our own simply isn’t enough. We need help.
Sometimes we can feel like we are weak when we need help with our mental health.
No one expects someone to learn a language without lessons, textbooks, resources and time.
Therapy, meditation, patience, medication and support are the same thing. We all need help and some of us may need more than others, and that is all okay. We were given different lives to live and the tools we need to lie them will look different for everyone.
For me, realizing that I could control my mind more than I once thought has been liberating. It didn’t cure my anxiety, but it helped me become more active in working against it. Previously, I had just resigned myself to the fact that I would always have severe anxiety and I felt had no way of impacting that. It was a fact about me, just like being monolingual. Unchangeable truths I felt unable to change.
Being able to think in a second language empowered me to take steps towards trying to think less anxiously as well.
I will never think in Irish the same way that a native speaker does. And I will never know a life without anxiety. But what I've learned is that's okay as long as I trust that progress is possible.
If you or someone you know is struggling, click here to view a list of resources available around the world.
Upcoming from Foghlaimeoir:
Saturday: Irish translation of this article
Wednesday: My Favorite Word in Irish
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Love this so much - sending huge love and support to you on your inspirational language and life paths x
Go hálainn ! The psychology behind bilingualism is truly fascinating.